Hmm… once again when things are going well I am finding myself not writing as I don’t really have that much to moan about. Changed my job, Monday to Friday one as I’ve always wanted with a bit more money, bought my own car.. got a lovely boyfriend by my side and so on..
So.. yeah.. exciting stuff for me but not really much to talk about. Unless I start talking about the customers at work.. which by the way it reminds me each day how stupid some people can be!
Well, this new job is annoying, I knew there was a reason why I wanted just an admin job and not customer service again. Urghh.. we need more training. And I am not just saying this because I am a cry baby or something, it is the truth. Not sure how many will pass the probation period. The collegue that I had to help today (yes, even though I am at the same level) was a bit clueless. Fair enough, my ability to train and coach others have been recognised but I literally was exhausted by the end of the day. My only consolation was that she improved slightly. I am not saying I am great at it, I made three massive mistakes, but two of which I had to take over from her. Urgh.. yes, I am just in a ranting mood.. Started looking for other jobs though, found one that pays the same but less hours? Obvisouly will stick to this one, but if I manage to get a new job the process should be smooth with start dates, notices and all of that. I am thinking too much.. I am aware that on Monday I may not even feel the same, but today sucked. And not feeling well on top of that didnt help either. Think I’ll go for a drive.. the roads should be empty at this hour. And yes, I can drive now :)))
Hmm.. I haven’t been around for a while.. life got in the way again. Well, being unemployed kinda sucks the joy out of anyone. Then I’ve been home again, for three lovely weeks with my other half, and then back here to start my new job, which btw I will hate it. But hey ho.. life is life, will just have to suck it up, especially with so even more changes on the line. At the end of the month I am moving out from the flat that I’ve rented with Mr.T, that will feel even more like the end of an era. And to be all alone again, even for a brief time, will be a novelty again. Oh yh, my SO will join me in March.. so thats another change. I am happy. He makes me happy, but can’t wait for him to be here and stop all this non sense although I am starting to feel emotionally tired. I guess I am not used to it anymore, to put so much of my effort into a relationship. The fact that we are both headstrong and different in certain views is not helping at all, plus the distance. So yeah.. I am feeling tired. Even more today and in a way I don’t understand why. I.. just want for all of this to be over…
Oh yeah, random bit for my older readers.. B. is engaged!!!
Things are starting to fall into place once again. Our relationship is at the strongest point till now, resolved a few issues that we have had and also spent some amazing time together. And yes, I can finally say and it actually feels that he is ‘mine’ now! I am happy.. truly.. happy that I finally found someone that I can easily see myself spending my life with, happy that he is as much of a pervert as me, happy that he wants similar things and that we can actually discuss things and not just be moody, happy that everything else finally fucking settled.. and that now it’s just a matter of time till I move out and he comes here.
On the kinky side.. I love being marked by him.
Not everything was lovely though, at some point I almost was close to a small breakdown. That being brought by a phone call at two am by his ‘ex’. Logically I understand he had nothing to do with it in a way, emotionally I just wanted to run away. It brought up a painful memory and similar feelings that I never wanted to feel ever again. I still can’t believe that I started shaking and stuff.. so fuck you B. once again. I’m still damaged in a way. But I am happy to say that I recovered quickly, well.. I kinda had to as he was there and didn’t him to feel the need to touch me or try to soothe me. At least I am strong enough for that, I can raise up my walls quickly. But I have to admit, another similar situation and my imediate reaction would have been .. fuck off.. don’t need or want to feel like this ever again.
Life and love, mix them well and you get a mindfuck.
Oarecum ma amuz de una singura.. iar am inceput sa fiu melancolica si frustrata in posturi din cauza la ‘sentimente’. Inainte eram frustrata cu life in general si inabilitatea mea de a mai simti ceva pentru cineva, and to actually enjoy sex. Acuma sunt frustrata ca iar am ajuns la starea de acum cativa ani care am jurat ca nu o sa mai fiu din cauza unui tip. Da da.. sigur. stiam ca o sa fie o promisiune prosteasca care sincera sa fiu credeam ca se va fii posibil sa o tin, avand in vedere cat a durat pana cand a trebuit sa o incalc.
Ne ciondanim prosteste recent, tu ai zis, tu ai facut, de ce nu ai facut, de ce inca e asa and so on. The last argument was in a way silly but I am standing my ground, even though it made me feel like I am a jealous cow. I just don’t like the idea of her even thinking she still has him, when that clearly is not the case. Knowing that she refuses to tell her family and other friends till he leaves is doing my head in. It’s gonna bloody end sooner or later, and her still having that hold on him it’s not helping me at all. I’m not feeling like he’s mine yet. I can’t really say ‘mine’. Stupid, I know, but even when logic kinda wins emotions run rampant. And while my situation it pisses him off, the fact that I’m still living under the same roof as Mr.T, its slightly different. We are officially broken up, family, friends, facebook, work mates etc etc. But in the same time, this flat is mine as much is Mr.T’s. We both invested money in it, and just because I’m leaving everything to him besides my clothes and small knickacks that doesn’t mean that till I’m moving this is not my home. Grr.. I can’t believe I am still ranting slightly about this. It shows how much it bothered me, and I kinda refused to see till mummy dear made a comment.
Bleah.. anyway, strangely I do feel better. Didn’t get a chance to rant at my lovely BFF so this was the place. Now I need to start preparing dinner.. Have I mentioned I dislike cooking?
Urgh.. that’s my mood right now.. frustrated and annoyed with how things are progressing. Slow. You know, I hate life sometimes. Today you’re happy and feeling on top of the world, the next day reality comes and knocks on your door.
I am scared that our plans will die, and never happen cus the distance will kill it. I am scared that this summer was an escape from reality that we both craved and wanted and as soon reality kicks in even more,everything will disappear. I am scared that I won’t feel the same when he will touch me. I am scared that he’ll get frustrated, or even I, and in a fit of anger will say, fuck it. And so on. This being a mixture of emotions and logic. Logic says that things will go downhill, emotions still holding on but apprehensive about it. I want him. I need him. Till then I guess I have to pay with my sanity.
Hah, sunt adormita intr-un final si o sa ma duc in pat. Momentan sunt in sufragerie frecand menta aiurea pe net, citind si ascultand muzica, plus random youtube videos. Mi-a trecut starea de zilele trecute. Nu stiu de ce parca uit in fiecare luna cum sunt eu inainte de perioada mirifica a lunii. Oh, the joys of being a girl. Acum am trecut la urmatorul stadiu, de clinginess. Am chef sa fiu lovey dovey, sa fiu ca un lipici care greu il dai jos, un lipici cu chef de joaca acum. Dar nu am cu cine. Nu acum cel putin. 🙂
